Whitelist/Wastelander App

I hope I posted in the right place :/

[Steam Username]: General Shortcock, but it may be subject to frequent change.
[Steam ID]: STEAM_0:0:33414218
AGE: 19
-Species/Human or Robotic: Human
-Character Advantages/Talents:
(x) He is around 6 foot, and weighs 230 lbs, 16% body-fat, so he's strong. (Hope it's not too edgy :/)
(x) Proficient with handguns, particularly revolvers.
(x) Fairly intelligent, IQ of 132.
-Character Disadvantages/Weaknesses:
(x) Strictly right handed, his left hand cannot utilize firearms or any sort of other weaponry effectively.
(x) 3/10 with melee combat.
(x) Nothing critical, I'd like to develop weaknesses/disadvantages more through IC exchanges/interactions.

-Faction
[Keep in mind some faction characters may be
subject to becoming event characters to prevent our server
from becoming faction wars roleplay]: Wastelander.
Faction Options:
SuperMutants
Non-Passive Raiders[Event Character]
Non-Pyscho Raider[Requires Backstory Detailing Characters Sanity]
Settler[Standard wasteland Resident]
Robots
[You can apply for everyone, excluding Eyebots with a Enclave Duraframe mod]

-Current Equipment: .32 revolver (Not sure if you have those, but if not some other sort of revolver would do)
-Backstory[10-20 Sentences Minimum; Be advised
all applicants that settle or go below the minimum app
requirement will be subject to a simple deny, spend time
on what you want, if you’re not passionate about your
topic to produce a few extra sentences or even paragraphs
then its a red flag- put some effort in here.]
(Backstory written from the first person perspective)
"How I got it, fuck what does it matter how I got, I got it that's all you need to know. *A woman with a shrill voice would speak* "I need to know you aren't one of the more undesirables." *Prolonged sigh* "Well fuck, I guess you wanna know the whole resume, story and whatever, well shit it's real simple. I'm from the Mojave, it was tough man, not much to live for, but so many ways to die. I grew up in Strubridge, small town, down in er, Massachusetts. My folks did what they could to hide the world from me, now that I look back on it seems like they felt guilty for bringin' me into it. I mean as a kid you grow thinkin' everything's all fine and dandy, then you have your fuckin' Sunday mornin' fucked by a gang of those big green sum bitches. Yeah well, they did what they could, that's for sure, but they couldn't hide it from me. You either gotta be one a them vault dwellers or some junkie raider to take pleasure outta living in this world. Anyways, sorry about my yammerin'. Fact of the matter is, I'm here because life over there just wasn't allowing me to sustain myself, I tagged up with a buddy a mines caravan on their way to the next stop. Dude's name was Chip, one crazy sum' bitch. I remember one time he went death claw huntin' all by himself with his shitty ass .357 Winchester repeater." *Darius would wipe his mouth from the bottom of his nose down to his chin with his right hand. He'd then roll his eyes and scoff.* "Yeah and then the dude just fuckin' radios in and calls it quits when he couldn't manage to put the fucker down. And this other time he just fuckin'- Oh right. Right anyways, but listen we had a deal, after I tell you how I got this core, you tell me where I can find Johnson, right? Yeah so, the Brotherhood had a strong presence in my area. I knew this one chick, her name was Knight Dawes, Lucy Dawes, she never liked me much, but she never shied away from selling me surplus gear. Well one day I found some old blueprints for some sort of military grade cluster mine, no a course it weren't of any use to me, but she was the techy over in her chapter so I figured it'd be of value to her. She offered me free armor repairs for a week, plus a fusion-core, anyways, so that is how I got it. Now, you said you saw him? Where did he go?" *A woman with a shrill voice would speak* "Why do you want to know where he is so damn bad, anyways?" "Well Johnson, he gave me alot of work back in Sturbridge, one day he just up and went, he's the reason I was able to survive, he payed me, and I was able to buy my six shoot- well, it's not a six shooter, it has five thirty-two's but you get what I mean. Point being, he was someone I trusted, and after my girl was murdererd, and my boss was gone, and there was nothing else left for me there, the brotherhood wasn't recruiting, what else could I of fuckin' done? I was told by one of his mercs where he might of been, I didn't expect anything to come of it, but now here we are, you are telling ghost tales of having seen him. So, I told you what you wanna know, now, have you seen the guy or haven't you?

[DISCLAIMER - INCLUDE HOW YOU GOT YOUR GEAR
IN YOUR BACKSTORY]

I can appreciate the different spin in your backstory, but it doesn't elaborate on a few things. Likewise, there's a couple of eye raising issues.

I'll state first and foremost that there's a contradiction in stating that you came from the Mojave, only to state that you were from a settlement in Massachusetts a moment later.

Second. Whilst the different approach to the backstory could probably be considered unique in all likelihood, there's still a few proverbial blanks to be had. In this case, it pertains to the fact that he's clearly got his fitness and above-average intelligence going for him - something which is probably above par in comparison to your average wastelander who lives off of cooked mutant carrion and water of questionable purity.

Doesn't really elaborate on how he procured these traits. I think this application could probably do with that.

TheMightyDRGN wrote:I can appreciate the different spin in your backstory, but it doesn't elaborate on a few things. Likewise, there's a couple of eye raising issues.

I'll state first and foremost that there's a contradiction in stating that you came from the Mojave, only to state that you were from a settlement in Massachusetts a moment later.

Second. Whilst the different approach to the backstory could probably be considered unique in all likelihood, there's still a few proverbial blanks to be had. In this case, it pertains to the fact that he's clearly got his fitness and above-average intelligence going for him - something which is probably above par in comparison to your average wastelander who lives off of cooked mutant carrion and water of questionable purity.

Doesn't really elaborate on how he procured these traits. I think this application could probably do with that.

Well on the topic of the contradictions, that is my bad because I played on this other server, and apparently they had a town called Strubridge in MA, and it was also located in the Mojave, maybe I mis-remembered. But I don't really feel as if that is a major hole, although it can easily be fixed. On the topic of having above average strength and intelligence, well. As we all know, these things are a big part genetics. So really, living in the wasteland as a wandering merc, as he pretty much did, will get you in ship shape right away. His intelligence, how else other than genetics?

Genetics is not a valid reason. Nor is there any valid indication of how long you've been roving, according to the backstory. Thus far, the age listing for the application process has been denoted as for the character - but if they were nineteen, then there's no way that'd be the case.

Think of something else, or remove those character traits.

Well IDK how genetics is not a valid reason, but I lost interest in this so nevermind. You can delete this if you wish.